Having The Talk: Telling Your Partner About Your Herpes

It is absolutely natural to plan out things regarding your love life, if you happen to have genital herpes. Needless to say, when you need to talk about it with your partner, it needs to be done in the right way in the right setting. But that is only when you have come to terms with your condition, being truly comfortable in your skin.

Of course, there are chances of your partner not taking the news well. In such a situation, do not feel as if you are at fault; certain individuals do not know the facts of herpes. They jump to conclusions when someone admits to suffering from the condition.

Educate Yourself About Genital Herpes

It is always a great plan to learn in depth about your diagnosis, as it allows you to describe it to others easily. Additionally, it lets you come in terms with the signs, treatment methods and even the long-term effect of genital herpes. There are a number of things you could remember before you think about coming out to your partner:

Things To Remind Yourself Before You Have The Talk

Have the Talk

  • 1. It definitely is not life threatening.
  • 2. One out of five men have herpes, while one out of four women suffer from it too.
  • 3. Herpes does not affect fertility in any way.
  • 4. Chances of transmission are very low if you happen to avoid any sexual contact during outbreaks.
  • 5. All herpes are not genital herpes. There are herpes that occur due to having a cold or suffering from chicken pox.
  • 6. 85% of the world population has herpes, but very less people know about the matter. Just the absence of symptoms does not mean that do not suffer from the condition. As a result, you definitely come off as a responsible person, well updated with every detail of your entire system.

When To Bring It Up

Even if you happen to be quite all right with your diagnosis, you need not disclose your secret to every potential lover. Respect your limits and coming out when you are certain that the relationship you two share is worth making exclusive. Remember that you are sharing this piece of information not for the sake of letting them know, but because you wish for them to commit to the relationship they have with you.

What To Say

You do not need to be self-deprecating; stating the situation like it is absolutely terrible. Also, it is not a good idea to promote a bad reaction by beginning your statement with, “Now, do not freak out, but…” as that may cause them to become anxious. You need to show that you understand your situation as perfectly as possible, taking the right steps, such as giving a heads up to your partner. Moreover, bluntness is not required too; you could merely state that you tested positive for HSV-2, a form of herpes. Describing the condition as a “disease” is not an absolute must; you could go with the term “condition” instead. Additionally, do not refer to it as “revolting”, “horrible” or “awful”, as those words could just invoke nasty images in your partner’s head.

What If The Partner Is Someone You Have Never Slept With?

In this scenario, it is best to carefully and delicately handle the matter. If you happen to decide to disclose this piece of information, be sure to state it in a calm manner. It could be that they happen to have it too, or else, they could be quite understanding about it.

Some Discussion Starters

Although these are not to be deemed as scripts, they could be considered as pointers when starting a conversation about your ailment:

  • 7. “As we both are consenting adults who have the best of interests for one another, I believe we should discuss about safe sex.”
  • 8. “I wish to talk about something with you. Are you aware of sores that occur due to having a cold? They occur due a virus known as the herpes simplex virus. I happen to have the same sort of sore in my genital area.”
  • 9. “When two individuals get along well, just as we do, I think it is better to be open and honest with one another. I trust you, which is why I wish to share something personal. I had discovered a while ago that I had developed genital herpes.”
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